Think my Therapist Hates Me

Well I was supposed to meet with my therapist on Jan 5 but the stomach flu hit my household pretty hard. I left her a message to reschedule and she never called me back. I seriously think she hates me. I don't know what to do now. I don't want to find another therapist because then I have to go through the whole panic attacks and fear before meeting the new one. Not to mention having to go and sit in the family doctor's office with a whole bunch of strangers to get a referral. But if I don't keep up with the therapy then my disability claim will be revoked. So many things to deal with. I really feel like she doesn't like me at all. Sometimes she's been so mean to me that I've cried my eyes out the whole session and then when I get home I don't want to go back there ever again.
I'm not sure what the solution is. This whole depressive period has been horrible. I feel like nothing is working and none of my therapists are willing to help me. They see me for a few months/year and then because of the paper work for my disability I feel like they get tired of me and they suggest seeing someone else cause there is nothing more for them to do for me. One tells me get off the medication the other one tells me if you're not on medication I can't help you. I'm so confused.
Maybe I'm not as nice a person I think I am cause it just seems like no one really likes me. I don't talk badly about people. I try my hardest not to judge people and if I do think something of someone I sure as heck wouldn't say it to them to make them feel bad. I love my kids and my family and my friends. Overall I think I'm an alright person. Just seems like no one else thinks so.
Please excuse me while I go put my hand in the snow bank

Feel so left out but it's my own fault

Well I was actually able to bring my self to go to a New Year's day open house at a childhood friend's home. Up until we actually left the house I wasn't sure if I was going to go and my husband had already mentioned that he would go with the kids if I wasn't feeling up to it. As soon as we got there I regretted the decision to go. There were sooooo many people there. I started to feel the temperature rise and the sweat beads start to form. I was trying to make my way to my mom but it was difficult to get through all the people. I almost passed out from the lack of air. Then the kitchen cleared out and there was only 2 or 3 people in the kitchen that I didn't know or feel comfortable with. Then again the next wave of visitors came and again the anxiety kicked in. It was really intense. I almost passed out again. My children had bolted to the basement where the other kids were, so I slowly made my way down there. Once I was down there I felt so much better. It was cooler and there were only 2 other adults down there. One of which was my husband. I spent the remainder of our 1 1/2 hr visit down there. Then upon leaving you couldn't get me out of there faster. I bolted for the door. I think my friend may have been insulted but not sure as she is one of the few people that know about what I'm going through. I can't help but feel so left out of everything. All my other childhood friends still get together and do dinners at each others houses. I never get an invite. At the parties that I do finally get my self to I feel so secluded. I know I do it myself. I sit in a corner or away from everyone and don't talk to anyone unless they start the conversation first. I know that this is all my own fault and that no one is purposely leaving me out. But then I feel like I'm being left out because I'm being judged or they don't like me. Even when I try to reconnect with old friends it seems like no one is responsive.

I know that I have done this to myself by being weak and letting this agoraphobia and depression win over me. I just don't know what I can do get back that strong, friendly, social girl I used to be before my daughter was born. I hate not having any energy to do anything, and being too scared to do anything. How am I going to get passed this?