Day 8

Today was a very tiresome day. I felt almost as though I was loosing my mind. I had shivers, zaps, crying fits and no appetite all day. I almost wanted to go back on the Paxil to get rid of the symptoms. So I threw out the remaining few pills I had to avoid any sort of temptation to take them again. I will NEVER for the rest of my life ever take a SSRI. Had I done the proper research before starting these pills I can honestly say I would not have done it. At the time I just wanted to feel better and didn't research the medication at all. I can not stress how important it is to research and ask questions about any kind of medication any doctor prescribes. We are our only advocates when it comes to our own health, so you need to be your own soldier!

I slept for most of the evening to escape from the zaps, I've been awake for almost an hour now and fingers crossed I haven't felt any zaps.

I am very blessed to have the love and support from my husband from the get go. He is my one true supporter through all of this. Always there to offer me a positive suggestion and to reassure me that I will get through this.

Once I've tackled this completely I am definately going to look into starting a local group for anyone else who feels like they are all alone and that SSRI's are the only thing that will help through the bad times. Those pills in essence stole me away from myself and now I'm staging a war against them.

Week 1

February 6, 2008 I lay on the floor of my living room curled up in a blanket shivering and crying. I was having the strongest anxiety attack I have ever had my entire life. That was the start to my long journey of SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) dependency. First it started out with Zoloft. After several months of not having any significant changes in my feelings of depression I was then switched over to Paxil. Along side my drugs I was aggressively seeing a psychotherapist 2 days a week. As more and more time passed I began to distance myself from friends and family and started limiting the amount time I was spending outside of my home. It finally got to the point where I could not leave my home without my husband with me.

My psychotherapist is very anti-drugs for depression and encouraged me to work with my family doctor to wean me off the Paxil. Unfortunately every attempt I made to wean off the Paxil was sabotaged by the withdrawal symptoms that followed. I was very proud of my self when I was able to decrease my Paxil from 60 mg/day to 20mg. But that was as far as I could go. When I tried to decrease it down to 10mg 24 hrs after my last full dose I started feeling dizzy, and almost like I was outside my body in a different reality. Not very pleasant. So to avoid that feeling I would go back to taking the full 20mg dose every night before bed.

Well today is March 30th, 2010 and I am happy to say that I have not taken any Paxil for a whole week! Now before I break out the balloons and have a party I must say that this has been the most trying week of my journey. I have had extremely uncomfortable dizziness, accompanied but what can only be described as "electrical" zaps, extreme agitation, and overall sluggish motor reflexes. I just recently found a paxil withdrawal guide at : http://www.paxilprogress.org/pdf/Paxil-Withdrawal-Guide-2005.pdf I definately reccomend this guide for anyone who is trying to get off Paxil or even anyone who has been given a prescription for this medicine for the first time. Its a must read. I 'll keep you posted on my journey.